You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
