sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
