Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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