I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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