You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
