she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
