My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
