Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
