Where did you get a picture of my penis
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Randomize
