Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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