Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
