Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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