I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
