see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
