your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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