why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
