JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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