Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
