nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
