your room smells of hookers.
And success
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
