My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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