it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
