I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
