hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
