i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
