I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i used baking grease as lip gloss
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
