omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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