I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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