I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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