I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
