4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
