why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
There's even glitter on my cock...
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