you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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