I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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