it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
