Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
