why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
