so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
