Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I currently don't understand fingers.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
