I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
