Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
