I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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