I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
