so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
