sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
