A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
