Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
