Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
