Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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