**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
