Those balls look pretty dangerous.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
